TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE
1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he
was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of
it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life
too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7..
Beauty is in the eye of the beer
holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the
universe.
10... Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
18 Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background
music
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on
Thanks Michelle, I got a great laugh outta these, too
funny!! Made my day brighter!
