(Written for a Jeva Fan who asked...could Reva ever be drawn to Josh again and what would her choice be...Nov 18, 2007)
(This is an ongoing series featuring Reva, Jeffery, Josh, Cassie, Billy and many other favorites).
A Reason To Love Again
Reva stood silently, a gentle breeze slowly lifted her hair as the trees full, lush branches swayed to its rhythm, but for her, the trees may as well have been bare. She no longer felt the seasons. It had been four months since the phone call…it, as well as the days surrounding the call, kept replaying in her mind…over and over at an almost deafening level so much so that she wanted to fall to her knees, cover her ears and scream until it finally stopped…but it never stopped…
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She and Jeffery had been at lunch. She had just reached to pick up her wine glass…laughing at something he said...funny she could never remember what it had been…her cell rang and she paused, glass in mid rise to answer it. A man with a deep French accent asked …
"Is this Madame O'Neill ?"
Reva and Jeffery had been married over two years, but she still felt butterflies every time someone asked that question.
"Why, yes…yes it is…but…I'm sorry who is this?" Reva responded, an uneasy feeling spreading across her heart.
"So sorry…I am an Inspector…with the French National Police…I am sorry but there has been an accident...a terrible, terrible accident…"
The rest of his words were a blur…is your daughter's name Ms. Marah Lewis…terrible accident…so sorry…nothing we could do… She remembered Jeffery and his face…she would never forget the look on his face, as her wine glass left her hand and made its descent to the ground. He had grabbed for her as she stood and then collapsed…cradling her against him, taking the cell phone and speaking to the Inspector as she faded in and out of consciousness.
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She remembered going to tell Josh. He was at the farm house…Cassie was away. Jeffery went with her, but she asked him to wait in the car...to give them a moment. She remembered his strong embrace, his words of comfort falling on her now deaf ears. She slowly made her way up the path to the steps, as she took each one everything was swimming around her...it felt surreal. She remembered when Josh found out she was going to have Marah, how he fought for her to keep that baby. When Marah was missing how they had fought so hard to find her...keep her safe...bring her home to them. She remembered his face whenever Marah entered a room…how…how would she end yet another of his dreams...their dreams. Summoning all the courage she could, she knocked…a slow hollow knock, and waited.
Josh heard the knock…he wasn't expecting anyone, but looking outside and seeing Reva's face he knew something was wrong. He quickly answered the door.
"Reva, come in …what is it what's wrong…is it Jeffery?" Josh asked covered in concern.
Reva slowly walked passed him. She looked through him; he smelled the sweet scent of her perfume... something new he thought. She turned to face him as he shut the door. She gripped the table praying her legs would not deceive her.
"Josh…oh Joshua…" she began, but looking into his eyes could only say, "Joshua…Marah…Marah…"
"What, what Reva," Josh asked bridging the short distance between them and holding her arms to steady her, somehow sensing that if he let go she would collapse, "Marah what Reva?"
"Joshua…" tears crested the banks of her eyes and made slow winding paths down her cheeks, "Bud…I'm so sorry…so very, very sorry…" she sobbed.
"Sorry for what, what Reva...tell me now," he shook her shoulders and bent down to her, he could not stand the pain in her gaze. He noticed he was now unsteady as well.
Pulling out a chair he lowered her to it, kneeling in front of her he slowly lifted her chin with his hands.
"Tell me Reva…it's ok…what happened to Marah," he suddenly wanted to take the words back, as if he could stop the moment if he did.
Looking into his eyes she gasped, screaming , "It is not ok…it will never be ok again Joshua", her words were coming so fast, "Marah is dead…she died. Our baby died…"
Her words echoed off of the walls, and before he knew it his screams mixed with hers….they sat, differences aside and shared their place in hell once again.
Reva had been gripping Josh's shirt, she was leaning into him, and he was wrapped fiercely around her...trying to make sense of the situation before him. He was smoothing her hair, then gripping it, gripping her as if there had never been a separation. As if they were at Cross Creek and all was like before…only it wasn't….Marah was gone.
"How….how… what happened?" He finally managed to whisper as if every last tiny detail of her life had to be discovered.
"She was…she was…in a …" Reva's eyes almost rolled, Josh saw and slowly held her to him.
"No, no... no Reva…don't you leave me here…don't you go…please Reva…" Josh pleaded.
"She was in a … a car accident on the way to a one of her fashion shows….they don't think…that she...she…" Reva could barely say anymore, but she managed, "that she felt anything."
"One second she was there the next she was….she was…gone…Joshua…my baby girl is gone…" Reva grabbed onto him again and they sat and rocked. Jeffery, having left the car, now stood in the doorway. His own face wet with tears watching his wife mourn the loss of her child with Josh.
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She remembered arriving at the airport with Josh and Jeffery to meet Marah's body. She remembered as she was given a drink and offered a seat, as her legs weakened, thinking about how it should be Marah bounding off of the plane a huge smile on her face not the cold box she would be met with. She held both Josh and Jeffery's hands as the airport employees offered their condolences...she remembered, though she longed so to forget…
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Shayne was home, he entered the doorway of Cross Creek, Dylan and Jonathan were already there. She looked over at him, and all she could see was a little boy trying to be so brave. He saw her and cried…
"Oh mama!" Running to her as big as he was and sobbing like a baby.
She held him, her eyes met Josh's…he walked to them and the three embraced, nothing would ever be the same.
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The funeral was too short, the church packed…flowers surrounding them…they all relived memories of Marah. Josh and Jeffery both, never left her side. She noticed Josh at one point unable to look up, reaching over she surrounded him with herself. She felt some fierce need to protect him, as always, from anything that would cause him pain. He looked into her eyes…and stole a piece of her soul for himself. She allowed him to because she knew that was how Joshua always survived. She breathed the life into him…not Cassie…not anyone… only her.
Well wishers came and went, Dylan eventually drifted off to his life with Daisy and Harley…they were soon to become grandparents - this time, Rafe was included and Daisy decided to keep the baby. Jonathan and Aubrey had added a baby brother for little Sarah, they were back and living in the house he and Tammy were to buy. Shayne needed to go back…it was him that tugged at her heart though…and Josh they were what was left of her connection to Marah. The two were so very much alike and she knew they would swear to the death they were fine to protect her, but she could always tell when they weren't.
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She and Josh went to see him off…
"Shayne," Reva said straightening his shirt, "Shayne, are you sure…"
"Mom, I'll be fine…it's you I worry about," his voice softened.
"Who me... naw …I'll be fine…I've got Jeffery…and, and your dad…and…" the act was over, her voice broke… she couldn't do it this time.
Shayne embraced his mother and held her in his arms.
"She was your only baby girl……mom… I…should I stay?" Shayne asked.
"No, no you go. It's ok. If I need you to come home you…" Reva said.
"I am only one of our secret messages away." He added, as they both smiled.
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She remembered Jeffery's tenderness over the past months, how he had formed this protective barrier around her and taken in all of her pain and fears…all of the doubts that overflowed her mind. She watched Cassie try to comfort Josh…they had a shared experience now…each had lost a daughter…to a car accident. She watched also, however, as she and Josh became entangled in this new found form of parenting that accompanies a child's loss.
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She found herself today…here in the beautiful, lush, green cemetery, wishing the last four months had never happened…wishing she could feel springtime around her.
"Reva…" she knew the voice in an instant. Taking a deep breath she turned her eyes meeting his.
"Joshua," Reva said wishing she could hide her feelings away for a moment.
He just had this feeling he needed to come here today…right now. As he looked at her he saw the tears she was willing away threatening to fall. They both stood silently looking at each other…wishing for words…a conversation other than Marah's death, or forced pleasantries. Just then a child's laughter broke the silence. All at once their world was animated by Chole….
"Grandpa Josh…Grandpa Josh" she giggled…her baby pink skirt twirled and her pigtails bounced as she danced her way into his embrace.
Josh smiled…Chole looked so much like Marah, acted like her too, but then again shouldn't she… Marah was her mother after all. He reached down and swept her into his embrace. Holding her tightly, he felt the tears he did not want to cry slowly escape his control.
She smiled and leaned back giggling, then she took his face in her tiny hands…noticing his tears, she grew serious and asked…
"Are you sad for mommy?"
"Yes... I guess I am…" Josh replied getting lost in eyes the same color and shape as Marah's had been at that age.
"I miss mommy too," she sighed her tiny face filled with pain, but then another thought...a happier one took hold, "but I do love living with Grandma Reva…and Jeffery…they are so nice to me…and I get to play with Sarah and the baby...and see you... and Cassie. Uncle Billy brought me this bear." She cuddled it, talking a mile a minute as usual, and Josh noticed flowers in her hair.
"Yes you are lucky aren't you little lady," he asked kissing her.
She laughed, then squirmed and he set her down. Her father hadn't been in her life since before she was born, and after Marah died he was contacted…but agreed that her living in Springfield with Reva would be better then in Paris with him. So much for a little girl of four to handle, but as he watched her dance off he realized she was like her mama used to be, and like Reva...somehow they always… eventually… landed on their feet.
He noticed Reva, she was crying now, he walked over to her, stopping short of contact. They both felt the need to touch each other...he knew it…if only for a moment, as if they alone could, recreate their daughter.
"No Jeffery?" he asked.
"No not today…he needed a break, though he'd never admit it. I...I wanted to come but alone." She replied…she was staring off into the distance after Chole.
"No Cassie?" she asked.
"Nope … same as Jeffery." He smiled.
She reached out and fixed his collar, she needed contact...contact with him…suddenly they fell into each others embrace. She held onto him fiercely…he held her taking his strength from her weakness. He was lost inside of her…so sad that she was hurting…so sad that they were hurting.
"Josh…Joshua...do you think...I've been thinking…do you think…that God…" Her voice broke, as she looked up at him.
"That God what Reva?" He asked brushing away a tear as he allowed himself to fall into her eyes.
"Do you think God is punishing me for pretending Jonathan…for pretending Jonathan was dead...all that time?" Reva was falling. He could see her slipping and he needed to catch her...to right her, in a way Jeffery could not.
"Do you think…I caused this for you…for us?" Reva was holding onto him looking into his eyes.
"No Darlin'," Josh responded, brushing her tears away, "no I don't think God would do that…especially not if he knew you like I do…not if he had to look into these eyes right now. I don't think anyone could hurt you this badly on purpose and be able to go on." He answered rocking her slowly as he did.
He was so close to her…so close to her lips, to her face…her body felt so familiar, there was just always something about her that radiated into his world, pulling him under every time.
"It wasn't anyone's fault really…except for the other driver, and he's gone now too." Josh said.
Reva reached up and touched his face…gently running her fingers down his cheek and over his jaw, clinging with all her might to her connection with Marah. She loved Jeffery with all her heart, but at this moment she longed for…ached for…Joshua Lewis. No matter all the pain of before…this was so raw…she wanted to feel that connection, that fire that brought Marah …and Shayne into being.
Josh leaned in and he grazed her lips, she reached up to meet him, and watched as Jeffery, and Cassie, and the past fell away for a moment. She allowed…he allowed…for just that moment…the world they knew to disappear. They stood lost in each other…overcome by the idea that they could somehow defeat the sadness, the pain, the reality…..
"Reva...do you ever think…" Josh asked as he pulled away from her, stopping to brush a stray piece of hair from her eyes.
"Yes Joshua…yes I do…but…" she added looking away, "not now, we can only be there in here and here now…tucked away somewhere in the corner," she added pointing to her head and heart.
Reva leaned in and kissed Josh's cheek….
"I love you Joshua Lewis," She added, running a finger across his lips…."but I don't belong with you."
Reva called Chole, the girl bounded over to her... turned and waved….
"Bye…Grandpa Josh," she called out, "see ya later."
Reva looked at him, smiling, then, taking Chloe's small hand in hers, she turned and walked away. Josh stood there beside Marah's granite marker... for a moment he could of sworn that it was Marah and Reva just enjoying an afternoon together while he looked on.
As the fingers of the past gently tugged at his heart again, he whispered…
"I love you too Reva Shayne."
Then looking down at Marah's name etched into the smooth stone he added, "Thank you for Chole, Marah…she is just what we needed…a reason to put everything aside…a reason love again."
Written by: Tania Roberts
(This is an ongoing series featuring Reva, Jeffery, Josh, Cassie, Billy and many other favorites).
A Reason To Love Again
Reva stood silently, a gentle breeze slowly lifted her hair as the trees full, lush branches swayed to its rhythm, but for her, the trees may as well have been bare. She no longer felt the seasons. It had been four months since the phone call…it, as well as the days surrounding the call, kept replaying in her mind…over and over at an almost deafening level so much so that she wanted to fall to her knees, cover her ears and scream until it finally stopped…but it never stopped…
------------------------------------------------------------
She and Jeffery had been at lunch. She had just reached to pick up her wine glass…laughing at something he said...funny she could never remember what it had been…her cell rang and she paused, glass in mid rise to answer it. A man with a deep French accent asked …
"Is this Madame O'Neill ?"
Reva and Jeffery had been married over two years, but she still felt butterflies every time someone asked that question.
"Why, yes…yes it is…but…I'm sorry who is this?" Reva responded, an uneasy feeling spreading across her heart.
"So sorry…I am an Inspector…with the French National Police…I am sorry but there has been an accident...a terrible, terrible accident…"
The rest of his words were a blur…is your daughter's name Ms. Marah Lewis…terrible accident…so sorry…nothing we could do… She remembered Jeffery and his face…she would never forget the look on his face, as her wine glass left her hand and made its descent to the ground. He had grabbed for her as she stood and then collapsed…cradling her against him, taking the cell phone and speaking to the Inspector as she faded in and out of consciousness.
-----------------------------------------------------------
She remembered going to tell Josh. He was at the farm house…Cassie was away. Jeffery went with her, but she asked him to wait in the car...to give them a moment. She remembered his strong embrace, his words of comfort falling on her now deaf ears. She slowly made her way up the path to the steps, as she took each one everything was swimming around her...it felt surreal. She remembered when Josh found out she was going to have Marah, how he fought for her to keep that baby. When Marah was missing how they had fought so hard to find her...keep her safe...bring her home to them. She remembered his face whenever Marah entered a room…how…how would she end yet another of his dreams...their dreams. Summoning all the courage she could, she knocked…a slow hollow knock, and waited.
Josh heard the knock…he wasn't expecting anyone, but looking outside and seeing Reva's face he knew something was wrong. He quickly answered the door.
"Reva, come in …what is it what's wrong…is it Jeffery?" Josh asked covered in concern.
Reva slowly walked passed him. She looked through him; he smelled the sweet scent of her perfume... something new he thought. She turned to face him as he shut the door. She gripped the table praying her legs would not deceive her.
"Josh…oh Joshua…" she began, but looking into his eyes could only say, "Joshua…Marah…Marah…"
"What, what Reva," Josh asked bridging the short distance between them and holding her arms to steady her, somehow sensing that if he let go she would collapse, "Marah what Reva?"
"Joshua…" tears crested the banks of her eyes and made slow winding paths down her cheeks, "Bud…I'm so sorry…so very, very sorry…" she sobbed.
"Sorry for what, what Reva...tell me now," he shook her shoulders and bent down to her, he could not stand the pain in her gaze. He noticed he was now unsteady as well.
Pulling out a chair he lowered her to it, kneeling in front of her he slowly lifted her chin with his hands.
"Tell me Reva…it's ok…what happened to Marah," he suddenly wanted to take the words back, as if he could stop the moment if he did.
Looking into his eyes she gasped, screaming , "It is not ok…it will never be ok again Joshua", her words were coming so fast, "Marah is dead…she died. Our baby died…"
Her words echoed off of the walls, and before he knew it his screams mixed with hers….they sat, differences aside and shared their place in hell once again.
Reva had been gripping Josh's shirt, she was leaning into him, and he was wrapped fiercely around her...trying to make sense of the situation before him. He was smoothing her hair, then gripping it, gripping her as if there had never been a separation. As if they were at Cross Creek and all was like before…only it wasn't….Marah was gone.
"How….how… what happened?" He finally managed to whisper as if every last tiny detail of her life had to be discovered.
"She was…she was…in a …" Reva's eyes almost rolled, Josh saw and slowly held her to him.
"No, no... no Reva…don't you leave me here…don't you go…please Reva…" Josh pleaded.
"She was in a … a car accident on the way to a one of her fashion shows….they don't think…that she...she…" Reva could barely say anymore, but she managed, "that she felt anything."
"One second she was there the next she was….she was…gone…Joshua…my baby girl is gone…" Reva grabbed onto him again and they sat and rocked. Jeffery, having left the car, now stood in the doorway. His own face wet with tears watching his wife mourn the loss of her child with Josh.
------------------------------------------------------------
She remembered arriving at the airport with Josh and Jeffery to meet Marah's body. She remembered as she was given a drink and offered a seat, as her legs weakened, thinking about how it should be Marah bounding off of the plane a huge smile on her face not the cold box she would be met with. She held both Josh and Jeffery's hands as the airport employees offered their condolences...she remembered, though she longed so to forget…
------------------------------------------------------------
Shayne was home, he entered the doorway of Cross Creek, Dylan and Jonathan were already there. She looked over at him, and all she could see was a little boy trying to be so brave. He saw her and cried…
"Oh mama!" Running to her as big as he was and sobbing like a baby.
She held him, her eyes met Josh's…he walked to them and the three embraced, nothing would ever be the same.
------------------------------------------------------------
The funeral was too short, the church packed…flowers surrounding them…they all relived memories of Marah. Josh and Jeffery both, never left her side. She noticed Josh at one point unable to look up, reaching over she surrounded him with herself. She felt some fierce need to protect him, as always, from anything that would cause him pain. He looked into her eyes…and stole a piece of her soul for himself. She allowed him to because she knew that was how Joshua always survived. She breathed the life into him…not Cassie…not anyone… only her.
Well wishers came and went, Dylan eventually drifted off to his life with Daisy and Harley…they were soon to become grandparents - this time, Rafe was included and Daisy decided to keep the baby. Jonathan and Aubrey had added a baby brother for little Sarah, they were back and living in the house he and Tammy were to buy. Shayne needed to go back…it was him that tugged at her heart though…and Josh they were what was left of her connection to Marah. The two were so very much alike and she knew they would swear to the death they were fine to protect her, but she could always tell when they weren't.
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She and Josh went to see him off…
"Shayne," Reva said straightening his shirt, "Shayne, are you sure…"
"Mom, I'll be fine…it's you I worry about," his voice softened.
"Who me... naw …I'll be fine…I've got Jeffery…and, and your dad…and…" the act was over, her voice broke… she couldn't do it this time.
Shayne embraced his mother and held her in his arms.
"She was your only baby girl……mom… I…should I stay?" Shayne asked.
"No, no you go. It's ok. If I need you to come home you…" Reva said.
"I am only one of our secret messages away." He added, as they both smiled.
------------------------------------------------------------
She remembered Jeffery's tenderness over the past months, how he had formed this protective barrier around her and taken in all of her pain and fears…all of the doubts that overflowed her mind. She watched Cassie try to comfort Josh…they had a shared experience now…each had lost a daughter…to a car accident. She watched also, however, as she and Josh became entangled in this new found form of parenting that accompanies a child's loss.
------------------------------------------------------------
She found herself today…here in the beautiful, lush, green cemetery, wishing the last four months had never happened…wishing she could feel springtime around her.
"Reva…" she knew the voice in an instant. Taking a deep breath she turned her eyes meeting his.
"Joshua," Reva said wishing she could hide her feelings away for a moment.
He just had this feeling he needed to come here today…right now. As he looked at her he saw the tears she was willing away threatening to fall. They both stood silently looking at each other…wishing for words…a conversation other than Marah's death, or forced pleasantries. Just then a child's laughter broke the silence. All at once their world was animated by Chole….
"Grandpa Josh…Grandpa Josh" she giggled…her baby pink skirt twirled and her pigtails bounced as she danced her way into his embrace.
Josh smiled…Chole looked so much like Marah, acted like her too, but then again shouldn't she… Marah was her mother after all. He reached down and swept her into his embrace. Holding her tightly, he felt the tears he did not want to cry slowly escape his control.
She smiled and leaned back giggling, then she took his face in her tiny hands…noticing his tears, she grew serious and asked…
"Are you sad for mommy?"
"Yes... I guess I am…" Josh replied getting lost in eyes the same color and shape as Marah's had been at that age.
"I miss mommy too," she sighed her tiny face filled with pain, but then another thought...a happier one took hold, "but I do love living with Grandma Reva…and Jeffery…they are so nice to me…and I get to play with Sarah and the baby...and see you... and Cassie. Uncle Billy brought me this bear." She cuddled it, talking a mile a minute as usual, and Josh noticed flowers in her hair.
"Yes you are lucky aren't you little lady," he asked kissing her.
She laughed, then squirmed and he set her down. Her father hadn't been in her life since before she was born, and after Marah died he was contacted…but agreed that her living in Springfield with Reva would be better then in Paris with him. So much for a little girl of four to handle, but as he watched her dance off he realized she was like her mama used to be, and like Reva...somehow they always… eventually… landed on their feet.
He noticed Reva, she was crying now, he walked over to her, stopping short of contact. They both felt the need to touch each other...he knew it…if only for a moment, as if they alone could, recreate their daughter.
"No Jeffery?" he asked.
"No not today…he needed a break, though he'd never admit it. I...I wanted to come but alone." She replied…she was staring off into the distance after Chole.
"No Cassie?" she asked.
"Nope … same as Jeffery." He smiled.
She reached out and fixed his collar, she needed contact...contact with him…suddenly they fell into each others embrace. She held onto him fiercely…he held her taking his strength from her weakness. He was lost inside of her…so sad that she was hurting…so sad that they were hurting.
"Josh…Joshua...do you think...I've been thinking…do you think…that God…" Her voice broke, as she looked up at him.
"That God what Reva?" He asked brushing away a tear as he allowed himself to fall into her eyes.
"Do you think God is punishing me for pretending Jonathan…for pretending Jonathan was dead...all that time?" Reva was falling. He could see her slipping and he needed to catch her...to right her, in a way Jeffery could not.
"Do you think…I caused this for you…for us?" Reva was holding onto him looking into his eyes.
"No Darlin'," Josh responded, brushing her tears away, "no I don't think God would do that…especially not if he knew you like I do…not if he had to look into these eyes right now. I don't think anyone could hurt you this badly on purpose and be able to go on." He answered rocking her slowly as he did.
He was so close to her…so close to her lips, to her face…her body felt so familiar, there was just always something about her that radiated into his world, pulling him under every time.
"It wasn't anyone's fault really…except for the other driver, and he's gone now too." Josh said.
Reva reached up and touched his face…gently running her fingers down his cheek and over his jaw, clinging with all her might to her connection with Marah. She loved Jeffery with all her heart, but at this moment she longed for…ached for…Joshua Lewis. No matter all the pain of before…this was so raw…she wanted to feel that connection, that fire that brought Marah …and Shayne into being.
Josh leaned in and he grazed her lips, she reached up to meet him, and watched as Jeffery, and Cassie, and the past fell away for a moment. She allowed…he allowed…for just that moment…the world they knew to disappear. They stood lost in each other…overcome by the idea that they could somehow defeat the sadness, the pain, the reality…..
"Reva...do you ever think…" Josh asked as he pulled away from her, stopping to brush a stray piece of hair from her eyes.
"Yes Joshua…yes I do…but…" she added looking away, "not now, we can only be there in here and here now…tucked away somewhere in the corner," she added pointing to her head and heart.
Reva leaned in and kissed Josh's cheek….
"I love you Joshua Lewis," She added, running a finger across his lips…."but I don't belong with you."
Reva called Chole, the girl bounded over to her... turned and waved….
"Bye…Grandpa Josh," she called out, "see ya later."
Reva looked at him, smiling, then, taking Chloe's small hand in hers, she turned and walked away. Josh stood there beside Marah's granite marker... for a moment he could of sworn that it was Marah and Reva just enjoying an afternoon together while he looked on.
As the fingers of the past gently tugged at his heart again, he whispered…
"I love you too Reva Shayne."
Then looking down at Marah's name etched into the smooth stone he added, "Thank you for Chole, Marah…she is just what we needed…a reason to put everything aside…a reason love again."
Written by: Tania Roberts
