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Hi everyone... first of all I want you all to know that though I'm not on the board much at all I am praying for you all every day.

As some of you know from facebook I am having quite a bit of challenge come into my life. Where to begin... my sister, who is divorced, was supposed to be moving into my grandmother's house with her husband, but that never happened. She and I were trying to keep it up for my mom, but the house has to be sold. Neither of us can afford to keep it and the neighborhood has gone so far down hill that it would be scary to try and rent. My mom is so sad, she grew up there, my sister and I spent summers there, and I lived there when I got married. It was a gift to me from my grandmother who died six months before I got married. She knew she wasn't gonna make it to the wedding, and she didn't have much at all, so she said she wanted to give me what she could. We had Avery and Peyton there, but had to move when I found out I was going to have Cole. The house was too small and I needed a better neighborhood. It wasn't like that when I was a kid, but people change sometimes not for the better in a community. Sometimes I get so angry at how times have changed... anyway, the closing is on Tuesday, and I took some of her things here, but I wish she could talk to me, to tell me how to feel better and make this better for my mom. Maybe some of you who are older could tell me what to do, b/c I don't know what to do. I just want to tell my grandma that I'm sorry and, you know I realy did appreciate the gift she gave me, but I had to keep moving on. It's so weird if I close my eyes when I'm there it's like she's still there, what if I lose that now?


Then another good friend of my parents just died. It seems like their group is getting smaller, and most of my friends parents are sick and dying and mine aren'tall that well, and now with the house going I'm afraid for my mom. My ex-brother-in-law and sister have stayed close, and now his dad went in for water on his lungs after coming home from a trip to Alaska two see his other two sons. He was diagnosed with pancreatic, lung, and liver cancer, all undetected, as far as we know, until three days ago. Hospice is in, my brother-in-law is a mess b/c they worked together in his father's business everyday. It just seems like there is no end. I am always the strong one, who makes everyone laugh, and I've been doing just that, but dying on the inside. I guess maybe it's just me getting old, and bucking the idea while doing it.

I don't know. Thanks for the ear tonight, and the shoulder. Payers to you all my friends, and many thanks for any wisdom, thoughts, ideas, or prayers you have to offer.